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Is it possible to have a peaceful divorce?

Peace of mind…it is something we are all searching for, especially in a divorce. A divorce, by nature, is a stressful event. It evokes all kinds of emotions… fear, anger, sadness, disappointment, joy, relief. The parties deal with some of the most stressful and emotional issues, i.e., money and children. While a divorce attorney cannot eliminate the stress, there are some ways to minimize the stress and to have a more peaceful divorce.

The collaborative divorce process is one way to have a more peaceful divorce. The process focuses on dispute resolution and resolving the issues amicably. The process is conducted out of court and there are no court hearings! The parties control the process and make the decisions. All the professionals who participate in the process are working together for a common goal…to resolve the issues peacefully for the parties. Everyone is part of the team and not adversaries.

If the collaborative divorce process is not an option, and even if the parties are in the collaborative divorce process, there are some ways to minimize the stress and to have a more peaceful divorce. For peace to exist in the divorce, there must be honesty. Each party (and the attorneys) must be honest with each other. If there is no honesty, then there is a lack of trust, and a lack of trust leads to many problems. Such as, the inability to resolve the issues amicably, the increase need for discovery, and the increase in amount spent on attorney’s fees and costs. Simply put, just be honest. Don’t transfer assets to another person to avoid sharing the asset with the other spouse. Instead, disclose the assets and income.

The children issues tend to be the most stressful. The best interest of the children should always prevail, not what is best for the parent. Often the access and time schedule with the children is dictated by what a party wants for their own self, not what they want for the children. Elevating the child’s needs above the own party’s needs eliminates conflict and results in a more peaceful ending.

A party should always practice self-care during the divorce. It will help the party manage the stress. Do not turn to alcohol or drugs. Find a healthy hobby, eat healthy, exercise, mediate. The more a party takes care of themselves during the divorce, the healthier they will be after the divorce.

Lastly, try to always maintain an objective mind set. Sometimes a party needs to take a step back and evaluate the issues from a distance. It might change the perspective. For example, too often a party fights to receive a particular asset in the divorce because of the emotional attachment to the asset, but in the end, they end up giving up much more financially to keep that asset. Viewing the issues objectively eliminates all the emotional attachments and helps a party to make a wise decision.